UK
Featured Environment Agency Upgrades Flood Warning to 'Just Accept It, Mate'
New five-tier alert system ranges from ''Damp'' to ''Atlantis'' as 90 flood warnings hit England simultaneously.
Pribber: UK Satire & Fake News Headlines
Featured
POLITICS
Featured Britain 2.0 Announced: "New Country" Promised in Conference Keynote
A fairer country where everyone is seen and valued, with wealth creation in every community. Release notes follow; rollout window to be determined.
POLITICS
Featured ILR Now 10 Years; New Brits to Live to 160; Pregnancy Trimmed to 20 Weeks, Says Consultation
Policy bundle announced: ILR set to 10 years, new citizens promised 160-year lifespans, and pregnancy 'streamlined' to 20 weeks. Great, Britain.
POLITICS
Featured Digital ID Not Needed: Tesco Already Knows What We're Having for Tea
Britain shrugs at a central ID while face-scanning phones, clubcards and doorbells track most things already; Tesco has tomorrow’s dinner planned.
POLITICS
Featured Reform UK Supporters Demand "British-Only" Tax System, Accidentally Discover They Owe Millions in Avoided Contributions
Reform UK gets its wish: ILR scrapped, benefits cut, "British-only" tax code, deportations promised. Result: jobs and spending flee; Treasury begs excluded taxpayers to return.
POLITICS
Featured Bank of England Maintains 4% Rate After Committee Discovers Perfect Number for Disappointing Everyone
In a groundbreaking decision, the Monetary Policy Committee has identified 4% as the mathematical sweet spot for ensuring maximum public frustration across all demographics.
CULTURE
Featured Tech Startup Disrupts Tube Strike with AI That Re-Invented Walking
WalkrAI secures £50m funding for its Large Walking Models that offer "hyper-optimised pedestrian solutions" to the age-old problem of putting one foot in front of the other.
POLITICS
Featured Government to Subsidise "Husband Daycare" in Pubs to Boost National Morale
In a bold new move to tackle the nationwide productivity slump and rising domestic tensions, the government has announced a new "Spousal Support Scheme."
POLITICS
Featured Local Council Solves Budget Crisis by Introducing Tax on Complaining About Council Tax
In a stroke of genius, the council has unveiled a new levy on residents who express dissatisfaction with existing levies, creating a 'perfectly closed financial loop'.
POLITICS
Featured Government Solves Housing Crisis by Redefining 'Indoors'
In a landmark policy shift, the Ministry of Housing has declared that any space with 'at least one wall and a general sense of shelter' now qualifies as a home.
CULTURE
Featured Study Finds 8 Hours of Sleep Can Be Replaced by 8 Hours of Worrying About Not Sleeping
Groundbreaking research suggests the restorative benefits of sleep can be fully replicated by staring at the ceiling and mentally replaying every mistake you've ever made.
UK
Featured Britain Forms Queue To Decide Next Queue To Join
Nation convenes outside a Post Office to democratically decide which queue to join next, pending a queue to vote on it; experts warn this could take all afternoon.
POLITICS
Featured Government Confirms Rainy Bank Holiday To 'Stimulate' Economy
Ministers announce targeted drizzle to boost sales of umbrellas, kettles, and mild complaints across the UK.
UK
Featured Government Confirms Sunshine ‘Due Any Decade Now’
Officials reassure public that a ‘multi-decade warm front’ is firmly pencilled in, subject to weather.
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