Cotswolds Village Declares Independence from Instagram After Tourist Invasion

Local councillor Jon Wareing announced the village’s digital independence during an emergency meeting held in a phone box – the only location not occupied by tourists taking photos. The final straw came when someone asked him to move his sheep because they were “ruining the aesthetic.”

The village has implemented emergency measures including selfie stick amnesty bins, a £50 fine for using the phrase “hidden gem,” and mandatory authenticity tests for visitors. As this reporter can confirm, the new village motto now reads: “Still Here When Your Phone Dies.”