Europe Prepares Emergency Summit on What Counts as a Sausage

Europe has called an urgent meeting after a proposal to restrict the word “sausage” to meat products threatened to trigger a continental identity crisis in the chilled aisle.

Officials say the ban would reduce consumer confusion; shoppers say they are already confused by why a side of mash needs a legal definition at all.

The Case For Policing the Tube

Regulators argue the label should describe what the product is, not what it reminds you of, adding that the only acceptable substitutions are “cylinder” and “edible baton.” Nobody is happy about the baton.

Supporters of the ban say the move would deliver clarity by:

• Standardizing terminology so every grill has a fighting chance.
• Reducing “semantic seasoning” in advertising.
• Preventing people from discovering tofu in the wild.

The Case Against Policing the Tube

Food producers say the word “sausage” is a shape, a vibe, and a promise that can be kept without livestock. They warn the proposal could force a rebrand to “meal logs,” a term they say is “technically accurate but emotionally bleak.”

For readers who enjoy regulatory clarity with their breakfast, see: New UK Food Guide Recommends 5 Grumbles a Day.