ILR Now 10 Years; New Brits to Live to 160; Pregnancy Trimmed to 20 Weeks, Says Consultation

The Home Office today announced that Indefinite Leave to Remain (ILR) will be a 10‑year milestone, clarifying that ”indefinite” now means ”after a decade, give or take paperwork”. In the same briefing, officials promised that anyone becoming British will see life expectancy ”double to 160 years”, citing ”uplift through national characteristics” and a chart printed very large.

Because arithmetic must balance, a parallel consultation proposed ”streamlining” pregnancy from nine months to 20 weeks, with a spokesperson explaining that this would ”free up capacity” and ”ensure alignment with modern delivery expectations”. When asked how, the spokesperson replied: ”By consultation.”

Medical professionals expressed interest in the government”s bold new biology. Obstetricians requested the equation. Demographers requested the source. Actuaries requested a lie down.

Public service planners warned of practical issues. Pensions would become a century‑long hobby. The NHS would need to staff antenatal clinics that run twice as fast. Schools asked whether reception now begins at 2.4 years.

In a nod to the mood music, the briefing concluded: ”This will make us Great Britain again.” Asked whether greatness is typically achieved via edits to gestation, officials said the consultation remained open until yesterday.

Economic analysts noted that a longer route to permanence combined with promises of immortal longevity and accelerated timelines may create a policy singularity where everything happens forever and immediately.

For earlier developments on the permanent‑temporary theme, see: Patriots‑Only Tax Scheme Backfires Spectacularly.