Southern Water Admits It Has Been Billing a Lake Since 2008

Southern Water has confirmed that due to an administrative error dating back to 2008, a 3.2-acre lake near Basingstoke has been registered as a domestic customer, billed quarterly, and is now £4,200 in arrears with a credit rating described as “submerged.”

The error was discovered when a debt recovery agent visited the address and found, instead of a front door, a large quantity of water containing several ducks and an abandoned shopping trolley.

“We sent three reminder letters. In hindsight, the lack of a letterbox should have been a clue.” — Southern Water spokesperson

How It Happened

An internal review has revealed the mix-up originated when a meter was installed at what mapping software identified as “Unit 1, Lakeside Business Park.” The business park was never built. The lake, however, was already there — and had been for approximately ten thousand years, making it Southern Water”s longest-standing customer.

The lake was placed on a standard domestic tariff and issued a customer reference number. It received annual statements, a loyalty discount, and a leaflet about saving water, which sources describe as “ironic on several levels.”

The Duck Situation

In a further complication, a mallard resident on the lake has been named on the account as a secondary contact and issued a court summons for non-payment. The duck has not responded, though it was observed swimming in a circle, which Southern Water”s legal team has interpreted as “neither an admission nor a denial.”

Animal welfare groups have intervened, noting that the duck “does not have a bank account, a fixed address, or thumbs.”

What Happens Next

Southern Water insists the lake still owes the full amount. The lake, for its part, remains characteristically still and says nothing, a negotiating tactic that legal experts describe as “actually quite effective.”

Your correspondent visited the lake. It did not comment. It did, however, look absolutely stunning in the afternoon light.