PM Confirms He and Trump "Genuinely Like Each Other" in Least Convincing Statement of Political Career

Prime Minister Starmer has confirmed that he and President Trump “genuinely like each other” in what relationship experts are calling the least convincing declaration of mutual affection since arranged marriages were abolished.

Speaking at Chequers during the president’s state visit, the PM used the word “genuinely” a total of seven times in two minutes, prompting diplomatic observers to question whether the relationship is as authentic as claimed.

“When someone has to repeatedly stress that they ‘genuinely’ like another person, it typically indicates the opposite,” explained a relationship counsellor who specialises in high-stakes political partnerships. “It’s the equivalent of saying ‘no offence, but…’ before insulting someone, or ‘with all due respect’ before showing no respect whatsoever.”

The press conference, which featured an awkward shoulder nudge that one body language expert described as “the physical equivalent of a diplomatic grimace,” saw both leaders maintain forced smiles throughout the proceedings.

“The chemistry was palpable,” noted a political correspondent. “If by chemistry, you mean the kind of explosive reaction that occurs when incompatible elements are forced together under pressure.”

The PM’s declaration of genuine mutual affection was delivered with all the spontaneity of a rehearsed hostage video, complete with slightly too-wide eyes and the kind of smile typically reserved for root canal appointments.

Meanwhile, Trump’s response to the affection declaration consisted of a series of nods that appeared to be timed to a mental countdown, leading some observers to wonder if he was calculating exactly how long he needed to maintain the pretence.

“You can always tell when politicians genuinely like each other,” observed a veteran Westminster watcher. “They don’t need to say it seventeen times in a single press conference.”

The £250bn investment package announcement that followed was delivered with marginally more conviction, though sources suggest this may have been because it involved actual money rather than fake emotions.

At time of publication, both leaders were reportedly maintaining their genuine friendship via a series of cordial but brief phone calls that neither of their offices would describe in detail.