Tech Startup Disrupts Tube Strike with AI That Re-Invented Walking

As London braces for yet another week of travel chaos due to tube strikes, one tech startup has declared the problem “structurally solved.” Shoreditch-based WalkrAI announced this morning that it has secured £50 million in Series A funding for its groundbreaking mobile application that tells people how to walk.

The app, which is free to download, connects to a suite of proprietary Large Walking Models (LWMs) that promise to “disrupt pedestrianism as we know it.”

At a press conference held in a cafe that only accepts cryptocurrency, the 22-year-old founder explained his vision. “For too long, walking has been an analogue, inefficient process,” he said, adjusting his sustainably sourced beanie. “People have just been… putting one foot in front of the other, with no data, no optimisation. We saw a gap in the market.”

WalkrAI’s flagship model, Pavement-Prophet-7B, has been trained on over a trillion data points, from Roman road-building techniques to the scuff marks on Air Force 1s. The AI offers users real-time “hyper-optimised pedestrian solutions.”

“Our AI can calculate the optimal stride length to minimise shoe-leather degradation by up to 4%,” the founder explained. “It can suggest the most emotionally resonant route to your destination by analysing real-time pavement sentiment. For instance, it told me to take a back alley this morning because the G-forces on the main road were ‘sub-optimal for my aura’.”

Another model, StrideRight-XL, reportedly helps users navigate complex urban environments. One beta tester reported receiving a notification that advised them to take “1,287 tiny, rapid steps” to cross Oxford Street in order to “maximise caloric burn while minimising temporal displacement.”

While the tech world has hailed WalkrAI as a triumph of innovation, Londoners have remained largely oblivious.

“So it’s… a map?” asked one woman, a nurse from Peckham, when shown the app. “It’s telling me to ‘re-calibrate my gait’ to avoid a pigeon. I’m just going to walk to the bus stop, love.”

Undeterred, Fitzwilliam is already planning the next iteration. “WalkrAI Premium, powered by quantum computing, will predict where puddles will form before it even rains. We’re not just changing how you walk; we’re changing how you think about ambulation itself.”